I finally told her to leave. Well rather than telling her I made her do so, I said things that I wouldn’t say to her under normal circumstances, but this time I’m forced to do so. I’ve hurt her, but that’s the worst action as the best solution I could think off.
IT SUCKS BIG TIME!!
It hurts me being an asshole to her, but I have to do this, I just couldn’t afford to be ‘that’ guy for her anymore. By “that” means I’m the ex who she stills loves and still loves her but just can’t get back together. The world wouldn’t let us be.
Why I did that if you ask? 3 reasons in particular.
1)Well I’ve did the normal way, such as telling her nicely like we can’t be in contact cause obviously we still have feeling for each other and its just feels wrong to talk or act casually with her and ended up hurting each other for a bit in the end but yet she never stop contacting me and I can never just ignore her.
2)I got offered a job at a place where there is Nil technology advancement other than transportation thus meaning only army grade satellite phone which I don’t have can make calls from there and I will be back to civilization perhaps every once in a month and that is if I’m lucky. The distance between us (UK-Brunei) now is already killing me. So I figured when I’m on the job I’m going to miss her more and that is not good on the heart and mental.
3)She deserve someone better as her parents expect her to do so. I just can’t make her go against her parents, at least not again. It breaks my heart last time caused i know she is the jewel of her parents, the ‘manja’ one, 2nd daughter out of 5 siblings but yet she were called ‘baby’ by them and also I know how much she loves them too. I wan’t she to be the best in any possible way she can
Now it all happened I guess I have to swallow it all and let time heals the wound….